Plastic Bags and Hand Grenades

I medicate to ease my mind
Of all the ones who waste my time
To forgive is to forget none
Take a chance, it might be fun

I smoke a lot but who's to say
I won't become you some day
And slit my wrists, oh I'm so bored
The excess of always wanting more

Plastic bags and hand grenades
All I need is in my way
Life's a game, or so they say
Whose turn is it now, anyway?

I'm alive and I'm so young
What more could now go wrong?
I lost my mind, or just my face
Either/or scratch and replace

Take a dive and ride the bars
Alcohol and cash-car-stars
Adolescent pre-paid noose
What they say must be truth

I could play the game and dress like you
A cozy grin and business suit
Sell it all until the soul is gone
Everything where it belongs

Life's a game
Or so they say

- Solus

Onto you, thus I speak.

To this world, I do not belong. I was born of this world, but never to be part of it. It is neither whether this world was ready for my self, nor whether my soul was ready for this world. These arguments are without solution, but by the will of Sol, I was placed within this world. In death, my peace will be given to me. In solitude, will I sing requiem. This is the future for all souls who follow this path.

My love I give onto you, freely and without recompense, for love is all that I can give if you are willing to accept. My sons will be born of love onto this world, with the hope that they may find a world far more kind than the one I see before me. I pray that they may find a peace that was never granted to me. I pray they find comfort in the arms of a mother, both caring and just.

- Solus

A Letter to You

To you:

At 1:23am, when there is no one left to talk to since anyone with any normal life would be sleeping now, I am still awake, my thoughts plagued with sadness. I guess all I can really say is that I really do care about you. I wish things were different than the way they are now. And, I know there is nothing that I can do to change this, because I have no right to do so. I know that this really shouldn't affect me, bother me, the way it does, but I have always had the hardest time just watching as this world tears people apart. I really wish I could make things better for you, because this whole ordeal fills me with such a great sadness.

Maybe if I wasn't alone as I am now, things would be different. I asked her tonight, if she had stayed, would things be different now. I like to believe they would be, but then again I was in a different world, then. I suppose this has as much to do witth my longing for the few good things in my life, all of whom are too far from me now, as it does with my desire for you to be happy. But, I just can't explain the actions of other people. I can read people's actions and feelings, but that does not mean I can understand why they feel or act that way. I wish I could give you some sort of solace in all of this, but I can only offer it as a "learning experience", which I know is no solace whatsoever. I wish I could say this to you now, but I know that I can't. I wanted to write this anyway, because I needed to say something. I needed someone to know that I am sorry that this is happening.

Your friend,

Solus

I thought I'd re-post this poem again, after finding it the other night. I suppose this represents my incredibly romantic side. It comes from Media Blackout, but I would like it to be here too.

-------

Before I come clean
I hope that you are listening
I had been broken, battered
But, now, none of that matters

Before I met you
I was a ghost of gray and blue
And the fire in my soul
Had extinguished, grown cold

Before I speak clear
Before you draw too near
Don't let the past bring you down
Don't let anyone push you around

I see the silent beauty in your eyes
It reminds me of the silence in mine
And I hope that you can understand
I can't offer much, but I am what I am
I am what I am

So, if my heart is not so soft
And my hands grow too rough
That does not mean I don't feel
It doesn't make this less real

Now, if you can take notice
If I haven't blundered through this
I mean to say, I will do what I can
And I want you to understand
I am what I am
And I hope that's enough
I hope you understand

- Solus

New Jersey Screws Everyone

With record-breaking voter turnout last night, Republicans throughout the state voted in force, causing what was predicted to be an Obama win into the hands of McCain. In fact, across all levels of government, the Garden State voted red in all catagories, causing a severe shift in power in both the House and the Senate. With Joe Liberman crossing the line over to the red seats, it appears now that all branches of government are firmly in the hands of the Republican party.

And then I woke up with a cold sweat all over my body.

Election Day

You will be hard-pressed to see me very concerned with politics, but I feel that today is a good day for me to talk about it. This election, I felt no overwhelming support for either candidate. In most cases, I agree in parts with each of them, and disagree in others. I tend to think of myself as a moderate. A hardcore moderate. In fact, I greatly mistrust any strong leanings towards liberalism or conservatism. Democrats or Republicans. Theoretically, this world should not be a difficult place to coexist in, but as with most things, the reality is less than desirable. At this point, I already know who our next president is going to be, the loser admitting his defeat. And, to be honest, I am neither happy nor sad about this outcome. It just is what it is.

But, I write mainly to advise against leaning too far in any direction. For the most part, I believe that people are happy living out their lives the best they can, and politics play very little in their day to day lives. We all pay taxes. We all die. These are facts. Speaking as a scientist, most things in this world strive to approach equilibrium. And, I feel like that is something for which we should all strive.

In short, whomever you wanted to win this election, just remember that candidate's opponent may not have been wrong or their ideas without some merit.

And, btw, I am proud that our nation has chosen to elect Obama.

Twenty-Fourth Birthday

Generally, I do not enjoy birthdays. My twenty-fourth birthday was shaping up to be no exception. My father had rented this cabin out in the woods. It looked like it used to be an old hunting outpost converted into a summer camp. The whole thing was built on a slight incline, and you could see the grass had melted away from the traditional walking paths that people tended to create. There was a fire going, even though it was still early afternoon. My father was cooking at the grill and people started to show up. Perhaps what upset me the most was the fact that I did not invite anyone to this party, it was entirely based on my father's judgment. So, needless to say, the guest list was slightly inappropriate.

If anything, it felt more like a gathering of people who all had something against me. Long forgotten friends kept showing up. People I had spoken to in years, for one reason or another. Perhaps anger, perhaps neglect. Many of them were recent additions to my ever-growing collection of mistakes. Heh, one of the girls even told me I wasn't as cute as I used to be. It took me a few minutes to figure out how I felt about that. Since I was already in a crappy mood, I just took it and moved on. Apparently, an action in which I'm extremely practiced. Though, when my ex-girlfriend showed up with her new boyfriend, I knew I just couldn't take this anymore. (His hair was dark and curly, by the way.)

I took one of the dogs and started walking into the woods. Of course, my father saw me do this, and sent a few of his friends to come with me along with some more dogs so we could go fox hunting. Not really what I had in mind, but I suppose it was better than reliving a short lifetime of mistakes and bad memories. As we walked through the woods, the dogs eagerly sniffing along the dirty leaves, we came upon an old cabin. Out of the window, I swore a fox stuck poked its head out, driving the dogs into a frenzy. I let go of mine. What the hell, right? Another dog followed him through the slightly ajar door. They were unusually quiet, until I heard one of the dogs give out a high-pitched yelp. I went through the door to find one of the dogs with all of his hair singed off. The thing was still smoking slightly, his eyes downcast in shame and failure. I went and grabbed the canine, but he was not hot, just missing all of his hair. I carried him out of the house, not wanting to find whatever did this to him. Was it the fox? Perhaps a live electrical circuit? Nothing really made sense; I just knew I wanted to be as far away from there as possible.