Dick mentioned it first, though I'm sure Alfred had suspected it for awhile. He's generally too subtle to come out and say such things. But, the Batman needed a girlfriend. Not necessarily Bruce, but the Batman. Of course, I didn't realize this had been an ongoing argument in the cave. No, at the time I met the Batman, I was too busy screaming for my life to really be contemplating such high minded ideas. Living in Gotham is always an adventure. People often wonder why anyone in the world would want to live there, but once you do, it's hard to live anywhere else. And, of course, the nightlife is insane. Literally, they're all crazies. I was strung upside down on Gotham Bridge, and that clown just thought it was the funniest thing ever. I'm not really sure if there was a point to the whole thing, but the Batman was taking it very seriously. And, as usual, he beat that Joker to a pulp. And that's when my rope was cut and I started plummeting. Since I had my eyes closed the entire time, I didn't really notice the Batman jump after me. I just felt something around my waist. The Batman caught me and we were swinging toward the support rope. Thank god for that bridge. We slid down one of the ropes, but the police were everywhere, and it's not like his car has anywhere to hide on a bridge. Actually, I didn't really see it anywhere. I kinda felt bad, because here were the police coming from every side, and it looked like the Batman was pretty much screwed. As the blaring sirens approached, I decided there was only one way out of this. I ran to my car, and told him to get in. Much to my surprise he actually did. He slumped in the passenger seat and I peeled off racing past the cops on the bridge. As I flew through the city lights of Gotham, I couldn't help but realize how cool it was to have the Batman in my car. How many people can say that? I looked over, and that's when I noticed the knife shoved in his stomach, bleeding profusely. I believe my exact words at the time were "Oh shit! We need to get to a hospital!!" That's when he muttered something (which I realized later was the correct assumption) about Wayne Manor. Pretty much everyone in Gotham knows where that pretty boy lives, but I really didn't think that's what he meant, until he said it again. Oh well, he's the Batman, right? Probably knows what he's talking about. I pushed my car as hard as it could, screaming through the Gotham limits.
I got to the gate of the manor, and pushed that comm button over and over again. As if the more I pushed it the faster I'd get a response. I heard an Englishman on the other end, probably the staff. I spoke into the box "umm... I have the Batman here to see you." I was remarkably calm, especially given the situation. The Gates immediately opened and I pulled up to the steps of the manor. The english butler came out, and immediately opened the passanger door to lift the Batman out of the car. His breathing was beginning to become shallow. I helped to carry him inside the manor. We didn't walk very far to get to the study. The butler did something strange to the piano and a secret door opened! I helped carry him into the elevator, and down we went. Suddenly, the elevator stopped. I was in the Batman's secret lair! There was what I can only describe as an operating table. I helped the butler, who remained silent this entire time, place the body on the table. That's when I backed away and the butler started working on him immediately. I'm pretty sure it was about when he started the blood transfusion that I passed out. The adrenaline in my body had just run out. What a day.
I woke up some time later with the Englishman slapping my face, lightly. I was still where I had fallen, though a pillow was placed under my head. "Sir? Wake up, sir." I woke up, dazed. "How are you feeling? That was a bit of a fall you took." I mutterred that I was doing okay, just a little confused. "Certainly. Here, please drink some water." Thanks, I said. And, I drank the entire glass. The night's events started coming back to me, and I realized that that Batman was dying! Where's the Batman? I said. "He's doing just fine. Nothing he hasn't dealt with before. Do you feel well enough to stand up?" I did, and I got up shakily. The body of the Batman was still lying on the table with his abnomen wrapped in bloody tape. I started looking around. It was a giant cave filled with all sorts of crazy memorabilia. There was a giant dollar coin, a big computer, a dinosaur. It looked a little like a museum. "Here, sir, let's go upstairs." And I was led back up the elevator, into Wayne Manor. Why would the Batman's cave be under Wayne Manor?
When the thought struck me, I gave a little chuckle. It was a pretty funny idea. But, then it started to make more and more sense, and I just couldn't believe what I was realizing. The Englishman, who I learned later that night is named Alfred, led me to the door with a suggestion that I probably had many things to do that day. In fact, I did. I was going to be late for work. The day seemed to go in slow motion, though, with that thought constantly bouncing around my head. I was in a daze. My boss even mentioned how I looked like hell. I probably did. I hadn't showered in days. Finally, I made it to my apartment, showered, laid down, and instantly fell asleep.
I was startled when I woke up to find him standing there. The Batman was standing in my room, near the open window. It scared the shit out of me. And, I couldn't help but wonder what is with this guy. How does he miraculously get better from a knife wound overnight? "You saved my life last night. I came to say thank you," he said in that really creepy voice. You scared the shit out of me, coming in here like that. And what are you doing here, anyway? You should be at home or something. Man, you need a girlfriend or something. "What did you just say?" Right about then I was debating the wisdom in smack talking the Batman, but then the scariest thing in my life happened. The Batman started laughing. Seriously, that's just creepy. "I've been getting that a lot lately at home, actually. Everyone says it'll be good for me. Maybe they're right after all." I said nothing. I thought I was probably dreaming anyway. "I want you to come with me on a mission tomorrow night. I could use the help of someone like you." Now, really, do you say 'no' to the Batman? I certainly don't think so. I nodded my head, and thinking about yesterday's events stuttered a 'yes'. "Good," and with that he was gone. A secret mission with the Batman? Every day, my life gets a little stranger.
He came early that evening. I was again in my apartment, but we climbed the fire escape to the roof. There, some kind of airplane in the shape of a bat was waiting. He said, "Climb in, and don't touch anything." I got in and sat in the back seat. It was surprisingly comfortable. I guess when you have a bajillion dollars you can splurge on bat-shaped planes. We didn't fly too long, and landed near a very nice building, the JLA headquarters. How bad was this mission that he needed the entire Justice League? We headed inside the building, into a smaller room to the left which contained a few round tables in a study. In the room was Superman, Wonder Woman, Zatanna, etc. I really couldn't believe that they actually wear those costumes all the time. Especially the women. That cannot be comfortable, but hell I'm not going to start complaining. With them were all of these other people. The only one I recognized was Jimmy Olsen. You know "Superman's Pal". Right when I was about to ask what was going on, the Batman turned to me. He said, "I needed a partner for the poker tournament we are playing for various charities. You were the only non-superbeing I knew at the time, so I brought you. I hope you play good." And with that, we walked up one of the round tables and began to play cards.
Poker with the Batman.
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